


Back Into My Arms

by Existinghere



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25183621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Existinghere/pseuds/Existinghere
Summary: When Jeno left for college he didn't expect to see Na Jaemin again. He hoped he would, but when he finds Jaemin he is completely different than he expected.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	Back Into My Arms

Jaemin laid in his bed, the only thing illuminating his room was his laptop that played Friends. He stared through the screen.  
He was wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants which he'd had worn for 3days now. He had bags under his eyes and his usually bright pink hair was dyed brown again.  
Suddenly someone barged through the door, startling Jaemin.  
The man turned on the light, making Jaemin cover his eyes as they adjusted to the light.  
"Hyuck!" Jaemin yelled at the shorter man with silver hair. He had on ripped black jeans with a stripped shirt and a jean jacket over it. He marched over to Jaemin, stepping over the piles of clothes.  
"Jaemin, I've let you mope around for three weeks. Now it's time to get over it." Hyuck grabbed his hand and pulled him out of bed.  
"I don't want to, Hyuck…" Jaemin protested but didn't resist when Hyuck pulled him near his bathroom.  
"Jaemin, I know you're hurting, I mean who wouldn't after what he did to you? But, you need to still be a human. Now take a shower, you stink." Hyuck pushed him into the bathroom.  
Jaemin sighed and peeled his clothes off. He hadn't realized how gross he looked. He stared at himself in the mirror. He traced the bags under his eyes.  
He turned the shower nob to all the way hot and let the water heat his skin. It felt good to just let the water run over him.  
At the beginning of his break-up he would cry in the shower daily, bit now he hadn't cried or felt anything in a while. 

When he got out his skin tingled. He went into his room to put clothes on. Hyuck was still there laying out clothes for him.  
"What are you doing?" Jaemin asked as he rubbed moisturizer into his face.  
"We are going to a party." It wasn't a question, it was a command.  
Hyuck had set out some tight black skinny jeans, a blue button up shirt and a leather jacket. Jaemin rolled his eyes.  
"No. I don't want to."  
"Jaem, I get that you're hurt. He cheated on you and manipulated you. But… it's been three weeks. And I'm tired of your moping. So, let's go to a party and get drunk and dance." Jaemin sighed, knowing Hyuck wouldn't let him say no.  
"Okay. Leave so I can get ready." Hyuck jumped up and down slightly. Excited to see his best friend actually getting out.  
"Okay!" Hyuck went out of the room and closed the door behind him. 

Jaemin got dressed and even put some earrings on. He styled his hair then came out of his room. Hyuck was leaning against the wall, texting. He looked up from his phone.  
"Wow, you don't look like a homeless person anymore."  
"Gee, thanks." Jaemin elbowed Hyuck in the side. Hyuck laughed a little.  
"You look good." Hyuck put an arm around Jaemin's shoulder. "And guess who's coming to the party?"  
"Who?" Jaemin played along with Hyuck, as he was super excited. Jaemin was excited to get drunk.  
"Mark."  
"The Mark? You're boytoy?" Huck slapped his back as he pulled his coat out of the closet. It was beginning to get chilly, the fall weather slowly creeping in.  
"He's not my boytoy. He's my boyfriend… well.. kinda." Jaemin put his boots on and smiled at him.  
"I'm glad I finally get to meet him." Hyuck smiled and put his arm around him again. "I've definitely heard him, but never met him." Hyuck flushed with embarrassment.  
"You hear that?"  
"Yeah, you're pretty loud, Hyuckie." Hyuck sighed. Jaemin drove them to the party. It was some rich person's house. People spilled out from all directions.  
The first thing Jaemin went to when he got in was the drinks. He took a cup of the punch and downed it. The alcohol only slightly burning his throat.  
"Slow down, Jaem." Hyuck said, taking a beer and drinking it slowly. Jaemin got another cup full and downed it also. Hyuck took the cup from his hand. Jaemin glared at him. "I know I said we could get drunk, but you need to pace yourself or you'll not remember what happens tonight."  
"I don't want to remember.." Hyuck sighed. He put his hands on Jaemin's cheeks. Jaemin could feel a cloudy band across his eyes, which was how he felt when he consumed alcohol. 

"Na Jaemin. You need to have fun, go dance, or mingle, or something. Don't just get drunk and be sad." Jaemin glared at him harder. "I love you and I want you to have fun." Jaemin sighed.  
"Okay, Hyuckie. I'll pace myself and try to have fun." Hyuck smiled and put his hands down.  
"Good!" Someone touched Hyuck's shoulder and he turned around. His smile grew. A man stood behind him, he had light brown hair, circle glasses, and tanned skin.  
"Hi, Duckie." He said. Hyuck gave him a hug.  
"Oh, Jaemin, this is Mark."  
"Oh, so you're Mark. Finally a face to the moans." Mark flushed.  
"You heard that?"  
"Yeah, you're loud." Jaemin held out his hand for Mark to shake. Mark shook it.  
"It's good to meet Hyuck's best friend. I've heard a lot about you." Mark put his arm around Hyuck. Hyuck smiled at him.  
"I'm sure he's told you a lot.." Jaemin said everything sweetly, but the words weren't as sweet. Jaemin couldn't control what was coming out of his mouth when he was drunk. He was starting to feel light headed.  
"Be nice, Jaemin." Hyuck warned. Jaemin shrugged. "Sorry, he's going through a breakup right now." Hyuck said to Mark.  
"It's okay. " A tall man with black hair came up behind Mark.  
"Hey, Mark." Jaemin looked up. He couldn't believe his eyes. The man standing there was much older than the man he once knew. He had a chiseled jaw and perfect lips.  
"Oh, hi, Jeno." Mark said, turning around to face the man.  
"Nice to see you again, Jeno! This is my best friend-"  
"Na Jaemin." Jeno smiled.  
"Lee Jeno." Jaemin smiled as well.  
"Wait, you guys know each other?" Hyuck asked. He was so surprised his eyebrows shot up.  
"Yeah, we grew up together. We met when we were 11, right?"  
"You were 11, I was still 10." Jaemin said, the memories flooding back. 

They had met when Jeno moved in next door. Their parents introduced them to each other, hoping they would like each other.  
Jaemin liked Jeno imediately. Jeno… not so much.  
"So, what's your favorite cartoon character?" Jaemin asked, swinging on the playset in his backyard.  
"I don't watch cartoons." Jeno crossed his arms and leaned against the pole. He was unhappy that they had to move and he had to leave all his friends. And Jaemin was too cheery and bubblely.  
"Oh… well… what's your favorite color?"  
"Black."  
"Mine is pink!"  
"What are you? A girl? Or a sissy?" Jeno said, venom in his voice. Jaemin got quiet and Jeno turned to see Jaemin swinging lightly, looking at the ground. A couple tears landed on his lap.  
Jeno panicked, he didn't want to hurt his feelings he was just mad at the situation.  
Jeno kneeled on the grass in front of him and held his hand. Jaemin looked at him with surprise. He still had tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Jeno's tone softened.  
"It's okay… I just.. that's what a kid at school calls me.." Jaemin said in a whisper.  
"Well, I'll beat them up." Jeno let go of Jaemin's hand and stood up. Jaemin laughed at that, wiping his tears away. "What, I will! I'm strong!" Jeno tried to flex his arm. Jaemin giggled at him.  
Jeno cracked a smile, happy that he made him laugh. 

Jaemin was glad to see Jeno. He felt weirdly comforted by his presence.  
Hyuck and Mark wandered off somewhere, while Jaemin and Jeno stood awkwardly far away from each other. Jaemin stepped closer, downing his cup and throwing it in the trash.  
"How have you been?" Jeno asked. They could barely hear over the music that was blasting.  
"I've been okay.. how'bout you?" Jaemin tried to not slurr his words, but it happened anyways. He felt himself tilting slightly. Jeno put his arms around his shoulders to steady him.  
"How about we go sit down?" Jaemin nodded, which made his head spin. They found a free couch and Jeno sat Jaemin down on it and Jeno sat next to him.  
"When did youget back?"  
"Uh, a month ago."  
"What happened to egg land?" Jeno's nose scrunched up.  
"England?"  
"Yeah, yeah, that." Jeno shook his head with a smile.  
"After I graduated I decided to come back. I was living with Mark for a couple weeks before I got a job and my own apartment." Jaemin leaned on Jeno.  
"Own apartment?"  
"What?" Jeno said, as he couldn't hear over the loud bass shook the ground.  
"Own apartment!?" Jaemin repeated, slightly louder. Jeno looked blankly at him.  
"Own apartment!!!?" Jaemin said louder. Jeno nodded.  
"Yeah, it's a block from here."  
"Locks?" Jaemin asked, mishearing him.  
"A block from here!" Jeno said louder. They were two inches apart, but had to scream. Jeno sighed. "Do you want to get out of here?" Jeno said loudly. Jaemin took a minute to process it.  
"Sure." Jeno saw his mouth affirm but he didn't hear it. Jeno took Jaemin's hand like he always used to.  
They passed through a crowd of people, Jeno firmly holding onto Jaemin. Jaemin let Jeno lead him out, he liked the feeling of Jeno's calloused hand in his soft one. 

When they got outside it was slightly less loud, but people were still blasting music.  
"Do you want to catch up at my apartment? It's like a block from here." Jaemin knew that wasn't the best idea, but he still trusted Jeno from all of the times he's come through for him.  
"Sure." Jaemin felt a little dizzy from the sudden change of atmosphere. They walked to his car. It was a silver Porsche.  
"Dang, you rich?" Jaemin asked, climbing clumsily into the passenger seat.  
"It was a gift from my dad."  
"Right, he rich." Jaemin leaned back into the seat. Jeno laughed slightly at him. Soon they arrived at an apartment building. They got out and Jeno lead them to the elevators. They went up in a glass elevator. Jeno steading Jaemin occasionally.  
When they got to Jeno's apartment he unlocked the door and they went in.  
The apartment was bigger than Jaemin's shared one with Hyuck. It had a big livingroom with a fireplace and a giant tv. Jaemin went straight to the fluffy white couch and sat down on it, feeling his head swim a bit. Jeno went into the kitchen and came out with a glass of water.  
"Drink it." Jaemin took it and drank half of it and put it down on the coffee table.  
Jeno sat a small distance away from him on the couch. Jaemin looked at Jeno, taking in his beauty.  
"Why did you never call me?" Jaemin asked, the words flowing out of his mouth without a filter. Jeno parted his lips slightly, trying to find the words.  
"I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me…"  
"I waited every day for two months for your phone call." Guilt flashed across Jeno's face.  
"I'm sorry.."

Jaemin remembered the day he left. It was a rainy day, fitting for the mood.  
"Why are you leaving?" Jaemin asked as he sat on Jeno's bed, Jeno packing.  
"I already told you, Minnie. I want to join their special program." Jeno threw things into his suitcase.  
"But.. it's like thousands of miles away.." Jaemin pouted.  
"I have to go, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity."  
"But.. can't you just go to Seoul university?" Jeno sighed. Jaemin had been complaining about it all day, and week, and month.  
"No." Jeno zipped up his suitcase. "I can't do this program at Seoul." Jeno stood up. He was sad he was leaving, but it was a great opportunity and Jaemin wasn't making it easy to leave.  
"I can't believe you're actually leaving.." Jeno snapped.  
"What? You didn't expect me to actually do something with my life?" Jeno looked over at Jaemin who gave him a glare. "I'm sorry, we can't all study education at Seoul university!"  
"Hey!" Jaemin started, ready to fight back.  
"This is a great opportunity, why can't you just be happy for me?" Jeno glared daggers into Jaemin. "I don't have anything to stay here for anyways."  
Jaemin's face contorted into a mix of confused and hurt.  
"Nothing to stay here for?" Jaemin said in a whisper. He stood up, tears threatening to spill. "Well, I guess I'm just nothing to you." Jaemin ran towards the door, Jeno tried to stop him by touching his shoulder, but Jaemin shoved his hand off and went down the stairs.  
"Wait, Jaemin!" Jeno ran after him. Jaemin opened the front door. "I didn't mean-" jaemin turned around, tears streaking his face. The rain outside, coming down hard on the roof.  
"Have a safe flight." Jaemin said with venom, then walked out into the rain, leaving Jeno to feel the regret.

"I've waited for years to hear that." Jaemin shifted closer to Jeno. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't let you explain."  
"I shouldn't have said that." Jaemin looked into Jeno's and smiled. His eyes were the same amber orbs. His gaze was soft. 

Jaemin leaned in and pressed their lips together.  
He didn't know why he did that, maybe it was because he just had a terrible breakup. Maybe it was because he wanted to feel close to Jeno again. Maybe it was because he was drunk, or maybe it was because he's always wanted to kiss Jeno.  
Jeno kissed back, dipping his head to the side so he could deepen the kiss. Jaemin moved closer and put his hand on Jeno's smooth cheek. Jeno shivered at the touch. He pulled Jaemin closer and put his arms around his waist. Jaemin slipped his tongue into Jeno's mouth and Jeno did the same to him. Jeno squeezed Jaemin's waist, Jaemin letting out a small moan. Jeno pulled apart for a breath.  
"I've always wanted to do that." Jaemin said quietly.  
"Me too." Jaemin lunged at him, pushing Jeno down on the couch. Jaemin kissed Jeno's lips like Jeno would disappeare the next second. Jeno wrapped his arms tighter around Jaemin and bit his lip slightly. Jaemin let out a pleased noise. Jeno started creeping up Jaemin's shirt. Jaemin took that as a sign to take it off, so he did. Then started kissing Jeno again. Jeno traced Jaemin's abs with his fingers, making Jaemin shiver slightly.  
Jaemin tugged at Jeno's shirt, Jeno took it off as well. Jaemin smiled at Jeno's physique.  
"You work out?" Jaemin teased.  
"Mmhm. You do too, by the looks of it." Jeno eyed Jaemin's torso. Jaemin smiled at him. "My bed would be alot more comfortable.."  
Jaemin smirked at him. Nodding yes, Jeno took Jaemin's hand and led him to his bedroom. Jaemin pushed Jeno to the wall and started kissing down his neck. Jeno leaned his head back against the wall, moaning slightly. Jaemin started unbuckling Jeno's belt with his hands as he kissed his chest.  
"Can I ?" Jaemin asked, in-between kisses.  
"Mmhm." Jeno said as he helped Jaemin take his pants off. Jeno kissed Jaemin, flipping him into the wall, Jaemin made a pleased sound at the impact of him hitting the wall. Jeno started fiddling with Jaemin's buckle, Jaemin helped him and slipped off his jeans. Jeno pulled back and smiled at him. Jaemin smiled back.  
He couldn't believe he was going to have sex with Jeno. He had wanted it badly at one point.  
Jeno kissed him, moving to his bed slowly. He pushed Jaemin down on the bed, his hair spead apart, Jeno gazed at his beauty, then climbed on top of him and kissed him. 

When Jaemin woke up he couldn't quite remember where he was. He looked around the unfamiliar room. He looked next to him at the sleeping man that had his arm on Jaemin's chest.  
Shame washed over him as he remembered what happened last night. He slowly moved Jeno's hand off of him and got out of bed, picking up his clothes and putting them back on. He then found his keys and his cellphone and quietly creeped out of the apartment.  
His head hurt. He felt tired still and definitely hungover.  
He rubbed his eyes and checked his phone, it was on 10%. There was 10 missed phone calls from Hyuck and 13 text messages. He read the messages. 

**Where are you?**

**Dude, seriously, pick up!!!**

**You're dead, aren't you?**

**I'll kill you if you died.**

**Please answer!!! I'm worried.**

**Answer, or I'll destroy your car!!!**

**Okay, I'm sorry. I won't, but please call me.**

**I'm leaving the party…**

**When you get this, call me!!**

**Do I have to find another roommate?**

**You're dead. I know it.**

**RIP Na Jaemin. I knew him well.**

**Seriously, I'm worried.. please come home.**

Jaemin decided to call Hyuck as he walked to his car.  
"Hello?" Hyuck picked up imidiately.  
"Hi.."  
"Where the fuck were you!?" Jaemin winced at the sound, his yell making his head pang with pain.  
"Calm down, I'm okay."  
"Where were you?"  
"Uh, at a friend's. I'm safe and hungover."  
"You scared the shit out of me! I tried looking for you to leave and you weren't there. I thought you died!"  
"I saw your panic texts. I'm sorry." Jaemin had reached his car and got in.  
"What friend's house did you stay at?"  
"Uh, Jeno's…"  
"Oh?" His tone was mocking.  
"Yeah… I'm almost home. I'll talk to you then."  
"Okay! I'll make Mark make breakfast!"  
"Okay." Jaemin hung up and rested his head on the steering wheel.  
He didn't regret having sex with Jeno. It was really good and helped distract him, but he did regret letting himself be so vulnerable with someone so soon after his break up.  
He drove home and when he got into the apartment Hyuck ran to hug him. Jaemin got knocked back, almost falling from the hug.  
"Hi.."  
"I thought you were dead." Hyuck whispered, squeezing Jaemin.  
"I'm sorry, I'll tell you where I go next time." Jaemin pryed Hyuck off of him.  
He made his way to his room and took a shower. When he was done he went into the kitchen where Hyuck was helping Mark flip an egg.  
"Oh, hi Jaemin." Mark greeted.  
"Hi."  
"So you were at Jeno's last night?" Jaemin felt heat ride on his cheeks.  
"Yeah… I wasn't feeling well so he took me to his apartment and I fell asleep.."  
"Oh, that's nice of him." Jaemin nodded.  
Jaemin ate breakfast in silence and went into his room to sleep off everything that happened last night. He hoped that last night would satisfy his need to be with someone for now. He also hoped it would satisfy his craving for Jeno that he had kept dormant for so long. 

Jaemin came into work at his usual time 9am. He walked through the hallways of the elementary school, saying hi to various kids. He made his way to his office.  
He loved his job as a councilor. He loved the kids, not so much the parents.  
He has experienced a lot of tragic things in his year and a few months here, but he wanted to help the kids before it was too late.  
Jaemin set his coffee cup down and started checking his email. He looked at the paperwork on his table and started shifting through it. There was a knock on the door and he looked up.  
"Come in." The principal walked in. "Hi, Joan."  
"Hello, Jaemin. I was just showing the new fifth grade teacher around."  
"Oh? Did Lisa finally have her baby?" Jaemin stood up.  
"Yep." She stepped into his office. A man with dark black hair stepped in. "This is Lee Jeno, your new co-worker." Jeno walked in in slacks and a button up shirt. Jaemin's eyes widened. He automatically dusted off his shirt for some reason.  
"Ah… uh, Hello Mr. Lee…" Jaemin avoided eye contact.  
"You can call me Jeno." Jeno said with a smug voice. Jaemin's cheeks felt hot. "Nice to meet you, Jaemin."  
"Councillors and teachers should work together, so I hope you guys can too."  
She smiled then started walking out.  
"I have a question for Jaemin, I'll meet you in your office."  
"Okay," she waved and walked out. Jeno closed the door. Jaemin still didn't meet his gaze. Jeno brushed a knuckle under his chin. Jaemin looked up at him.  
"You left without a word the other day."  
"Um.." Jaemin suddenly couldn't think. He just gazed at Jeno's perfect face. Jeno was close, too close to him. Jaemin took a couple steps back. "Sorry.. I.. was really drunk…"  
"Oh, do you regret it..?" Jeno suddenly looked disappointed.  
"N-no.. I just.. I can't do a relationship right now. I just got out of a bad one.. and-"  
"It's okay. " Jeno calmed a bit. "Can we still be friends?" Jaemin didn't know if he wanted to, if he could just be friends.  
"Yeah. We can be friends." Jeno smiled at him.  
"Good. Cause we are now co-workers."  
"So, did you know I worked here?"  
"No. I didn't. But I found out when Joan mentioned you." Jaemin nodded. "I will see you around." Jeno left and Jaemin let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.  
He sat back down in his chair. He thought he could ignore his feelings or his cravings toward Jeno. But he would have to see him, daily at work. And probably if he ever wanted to hang out with Mark. 

The week went on and Jaemin only saw Jeno when he had to get a kid from his class. It was Friday, and Jaemin wash packing up his laptop to go home. He was excited for the weekend, he could binge watch Netflix and hang out with Hyuck.  
There was a knock at the door.  
"Come in." He called.  
Jeno walked in and closed the door behind him. "Jaemin looked up and grabbed his jacket.  
"Hello, Mr. Lee. What did you want?" Jeno smirked at him.  
"Call me Jeno, Minnie." Jaemin's heart fluttered at the nickname.  
"Don't call me that at work…"  
"Okay, fine." Jaemin slung the bag over his shoulder. "I was going to ask you a question."  
"What is it?"  
"Would you like to get drinks this weekend?" Jaemin froze. "As friends."  
"Uh...sure.."  
"Great." Jeno smiled "tomorrow at 7?"  
"Sure." Jaemin just wanted to go home and ignore his feelings.  
"Okay, see you then." Jeno walked out. Jaemin sighed and made his way to his car. He couldn't stop thinking about Jeno's body. How he wanted to kiss all over his chest as well. 

Saturday night he got dressed and waited at the door. It was 6:45. Mark had given Jeno Jaemin's number. 

On my way!

Jeno's text had read. He paced the floor. Hyuck walked in and stared at him.  
"Waiting for something?"  
"Uh… Jeno and I are going for drinks." Hyuck raised his eyebrows. Jaemin had caved and told Hyuck everything after Mark had left that day. Hyuck wasn't surprised. He was kind of proud of Jaemin.  
"As friends." Jaemin added.  
"Sure…" Hyuck said, teasing Jaemin. "Would you look that nice for a friend?"  
Jaemin looked down at his outfit. He was wearing light wash jeans with rips in the knees, and a long sleeve white button up, half tucked in. He also had on ratings and cuffs on his ears.  
"Am I trying too hard?" Hyuck laughed.  
"So you do like him." Jaemin rolled his eyes.  
"I like his body."  
"Hey, don't miss out on a good relationship by writing it off as sex." Jaemin huffed.  
Sex was easier. It was easier than a relationship. Sex was less scary than a relationship.  
There was a knock on the door.  
"Have fun!" Hyuck waved as he went into the kitchen. Jaemin opened the door. Jeno looked hot. Jaemin noticed how his white skinny jeans hugged his thighs and how his black collared shirt showed a little bit of his clavicle.  
"Hi." Jaemin said, slipping his house shoes off and putting on a pair of white sneakers.  
"Hey." Jaemin tripped on another shoe and lost his balance, Jeno held his waist and helped him up. Jaemin's skin tingled at the touch.  
"Thanks.."  
"No problem." Jaemin moved away from Jeno, feeling hot from the touch. "Ready?" Jaemin nodded and locked the door behind them.  
They went into Jeno's car. Jaemin didn't remember it smelling like vanilla last time he was in it. The smell wafted over him, comforting him slightly.  
"Where did you want to go?" Jeno asked.  
"Uh, anywhere is fine."  
"Okay." Jeno drove for 10 minutes, chatting about normal things with Jaemin.  
When they got to the place, Jaemin got out and was shocked. He hadn't been there in forever.  
It was the place they went when Jaemin turned 20. 

Jaemin's blue hair shined in the neon light of the sign. He had his arm linked with Jeno's.  
"Wow, this place looks great!" Jeno chuckled.  
"I think you'll like it." They walked in and was met with lots of colors. The wall paper had pineapples on it and there were fake palm trees everywhere. The bar was made of bamboo and all the employees wore Hawaiian shirts.  
They went up to the bar.  
"What do you want, Minnie?" Jaemin stared at the menu. Not knowing what anything was.  
"Uhh…"  
"Something sweet?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay, uh can we have a pineapple upside down and a passion beer?" Jeno asked the bartender.  
"ID's please." Jaemin took out his ID and proudly showed the bartender. Jeno flashed his.  
Jeno smiled at how excited Jaemin was.  
"Jen, I can't believe we are 20."  
"I know."  
"Can we be friends for a long time?" Jaemin looked up at him. Jeno smiled.  
"Yeah. I mean we already made it 10 years."  
"Even when you go to England?"  
"I'll try." Jeno was sincere then. Jaemin was confident he would keep in touch. They got their drinks and Jaemin loved his. He couldn't even taste the alcohol.  
Jaemin remembered having so much fun, playing darts and talking to his best friend. 

Jeno brushed by his shoulder slightly.  
"Remember this place?" Jaemin nodded. They went in. The place wasn't much different, there was no longer wallpaper, but dark wood paneling.  
They went up to the bar and Jaemin ordered a margarita. Jeno ordered a beer.  
"Still like sweet alcoholic drinks?"  
"I don't mind other drinks, but when I want to enjoy drinking it, I get something sweet." They sat down at a table, across from each other.  
"So, what made you want to become a 5th grade teacher?" Jaemin sipped his drink. He probably should have eaten before drinking, but he didn't care. He was kind of still in a depressive episode from his break up. His ex messed with his head. He thought he was useless for so long, it would take a while to reroute his brain. But maybe he didn't want to.  
"Uh, actually, you." Jaemin raised an eyebrow at him. "You always loved children, remember that time I volunteered with you?"  
"Uh, yeah."  
"I realized I loved teaching kids, so I decided to change to education, a special program there." Jaemin nodded. He looked up at Jeno. "Are you okay, Jaem?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"You.. the you I remember, was bubblely and bright. A little weird at times, but laughed a lot." Jeno sipped his beer. "That's not the Jaemin that I've seen, maybe a little when you were drunk."  
Jaemin sighed and put his drink down.  
"I know. I haven't felt like being… that Jaemin lately." Jaemin stared down at his drink, swirling the ice around.  
"Does it have to do with your break up?" Jaemin froze, his ice cubes making a clink against his glass as he stopped swirling it. "you don't have to talk about it…"  
"No, it's fine.." Jaemin drank some of his drink, taking two big gulps. "I, uh. My ex.. it wasn't a good relationship to start with.. he gaslit me and blamed me for basically everything wrong in our relationship."  
"How long was the relationship?"  
"Two years… it wasn't bad at first. He seemed like a good boyfriend.. he would buy me gifts and be nice to me. And he would compliment me.." Jaemin took another sip, his heart was beating quickly, remembering it. "But..uh.. it started getting controlling and bad…" Jeno placed a hand on Jaemin's hand. Jaemin looked up at him.  
"I'm sorry." Jaemin hated how he was calmed by Jeno's touch.  
"And.. he uh, cheated on me… blamed me for not being enough for him… I eventually told Hyuck and Hyuck told me to break up with him… but I couldn't so Hyuck did it for me.." Jaemin finished his drink, feeling the haziness of the alcohol.  
"That must have been hard. That's a long time of manipulation." Jaemin noticed Jeno's hand was still on his. He looked up at him again. Jeno smiled warmly at him. Jaemin's corners of his mouth tilted up slightly.  
"Yeah.. "  
"But… you're worth so much more." Jaemin drew his hand away. He felt too vulnerable. His body wanted to be comfortable with Jeno, like he always had, but his head said run. Jeno retracted his hand. "Seriously, Jaemin. You're a great person who deserves more than that. You deserve to be loved for who you are."  
"You don't know who I am." Jaemin said, not meaning to sound that mean. But his words said it all. He thought he saw Jeno flinch.  
"But can I get to know you?" Jaemin wanted to say no. But he also wanted to say yes, he craved Jeno. Those months he was waiting for a call, coming back. 

He stayed in his dorm besides class. He waited, his phone always at at least 60%.  
Hyuck had been his roommate, when Jaemin finally opened up about Jeno, Hyuck convinced him he was a piece of shit.  
Jaemin never told him Jeno's name. He called him his ex best friend.  
After a few weeks, Hyuck convinced him to go out and go to parties. He met new friends and slowly moved on from pining after Jeno. 

"Why?" Jaemin ended up saying. Jeno looked confused.  
"Because, I care about you. I didn't just stop thinking about you when I went to England. I hoped you were okay."  
"Well, I wasn't." Jaemin crossed his arms. He got up and got another drink, this time a rum and coke. He told the bartender to make it strong. He sat back down with his drink.  
"Jaemin, I'm sorry that I never called.. or texted.. I thought you were better off without me." Jaemin scoffed.  
"I was worse off without you. I didn't have that someone by my side… someone who knew me well… Hyuck became that person eventually."  
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Jaemin looked Jeno in the eye. Jeno looked sincere. Jaemin sipped his drink.  
"I… I know… " Jaemin finished his drink quickly. "Can we go?" Jeno nodded.  
Jeno went up to the bar and paid for both of them. Jaemin tried to insist he should pay for himself, but he didn't actually care that much.  
They went back into his car. Silence washed over them. Jaemin felt dizzy.  
"Do you want me to take you home?" Jaemin looked over at him, the alcohol lowering his inhabitions.  
"No."  
"Then, where do you want to go?" Jaemin didn't know why, but he leaned closer to Jeno. Jaemin stared at him. Jaemin kissed him and Jeno put his hand on the nape of Jaemin's neck. Jaemin kissed him deeper, biting his lip slightly, Jeno letting out a small pleased noise. Jeno pulled back slightly.  
"Where do you want to go?" Jeno whispered.  
"Your place?" Jaemin said, breathy. Jeno nodded. He started the car.

When they got to his apartment, Jaemin pushed Jeno against the wall, kissing him, his hands on his waist. Jeno kissed back, chuckling at how aggressive Jaemin was being.  
They made their way to Jeno's bedroom. Jaemin pushed Jeno down on the bed. Jeno smiled up at him.  
"I need you, Jeno." Jeno's eyes widened. Jaemin didn't mean to say what his thoughts were, but he didn't care in the moment.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Don't leave again." Jaemin kissed Jeno's neck, leaving marks.  
"Minnie… I won't leave… but what do you.. want?" Jeno said trying to focus even though he really liked whatever Jaemin was doing.  
"I want you." Jeno pulled Jaemin closer to him. Jaemin smiled. Jeno caught Jaemin's lips in his. "I always wanted you." Jaemin whispered against his lips. Jeno pulled him even closer, running his hands through his hair. 

Jaemin hadn't seen Jeno since Saturday and it was Tuesday. Jaemin was grateful for that. He remembered what he said, but he wished he hadn't.  
He didn't want a relationship with Jeno. He didn't want a relationship.  
He just craved Jeno's lips. He craved the closeness that came with being around him.  
It's true, he did need him. But he didn't want Jeno to know that. He didn't want anyone to know that.  
He sat in his office, getting ready to go get a kid from class to talk to when there was a knock.  
"Come in." Jaemin called, in his cheery voice.  
Jeno walked in and shut the door behind him. "Are you busy?" Jeno seemed anxious. Jaemin looked up at him.  
"I was just going to get a student. Why?" Jaemin stood up.  
"My student… I think she's being sexually abused…" Jaemin's eyes widened and he sat back down, motioning for Jeno to sit across from him.  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Uh, we are doing a self narrative… the kids tell stories about big things in their lives.. the way this girl writes.. like she is worthless and being intimidated by her family.. and she's smart. Like super smart. She is so good at math." Jeno took a paper out and handed it over to Jaemin. Jaemin read over it. "And, I heard her talking to her friends at Lunch.. she was talking about seeing penises and that she wanted to have sex with others." Jaemin looked up at Jeno. "And I know that's a symptom of kids who are sexually abused…"  
"Hmm… yes. Where is she right now?"  
"Uh, they're in gym class." Jeno looked so anxious, he ran his hands through his hair. Jaemin placed a hand over Jeno's. Jeno calmed, looking at Jaemin.  
"It's okay. You're doing the right thing. " Jaemin rubbed his thumb over Jeno's knuckles. "I will talk to her and then if needed, call child services." Jeno nodded and looked at him gratefully. Jaemin released his hand.  
"Can you get her for me? I have to talk to Joan." Jeno nodded. " It will be okay." Jeno left.  
Jaemin sighed and called Joan and told her everything, she said to call her when they finished talking. Jeno soon came in with a small girl. She was around 10 and had braids in her hair. She wore a pretty dress and had bows in her hair.  
"Eliza, this is Mr. Na." Eliza stepped closer to Jaemin.  
"Hi…"  
"Hello, Eliza. Mr. Lee has told me all about you. I heard you really like math?"  
"Mmhm…"  
"Would you be okay with talking to me about math for a while?" Jaemin's voice was softer when he talked to children, it was calming to Jeno as well. She nodded. "Mr. Lee will come get you when we are done, okay?" She nodded. Jeno waved goodbye and left. "Do you want to sit in one of those chairs?" She hesitantly sat in a small blue chair, Jaemin sat across from her in a small couch, meant for children.  
"So, what's your favorite part about math?" 

Jaemin talked to Eliza about everything, Math, English, her dog, and her parents. Jaemin wrote a few things down a couple times. After they were done talking Jaemin walked her to her classroom.  
"Thanks for talking to me, Eliza."  
"You're welcome. It was fun." Jaemin smiled at her.  
"I'm glad you had fun. " They walked into the class, all the kids were silently reading. Jeno looked over at them.  
"Hey, Eliza. Do you want to go get your book and read ?" Eliza nodded and got her book and sat down. Jaemin watched her.  
Jeno brushed Jaemin's arm with his hand. Jaemin turned towards him. "So?"  
"Come to my office after school. I'll tell you everything and I need you to sign some things. " Jeno nodded. He still looked nervous. Jaemin slid his hand in Jeno's, making sure no one saw. Jeno stared at him, quirking his eyebrow slightly. Jaemin didn't look at him, he just observed the class. Jaemin didn't know why he wanted to comfort Jeno so badly, but he did. He wanted to make all Jeno's anxieties go away. After a moment Jaemin removed his hand.  
"I'll see you later." Jaemin said as he walked out. When Jaemin returned he got out some paperwork. He started on it, but he kept on thinking about how he held Jeno's hand. He sighed in frustration. He didn't want to lead Jeno on, he wasn't ready for a relationship, but he wanted to comfort him, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to fuck him.  
Jaemin shook those thoughts out of his head and continued on the paperwork. 

After school Jaemin heard a small knock on his door.  
"Come in." Jeno walked in, he looked distressed. Jaemin motioned for him to sit, he did. "Are you okay?" Jeno's leg shook.  
"I.. what if.. when she gets off her bus.. she gets abused. What if… I could have done something more.." Jeno looked like he was about to cry. Jaemin stood up and walked over to him. He hugged him. Jaemin wanted Jeno to stop feeling bad.  
Jeno let out a small surprised sound, before he hugged back. Jaemin felt like he was meant to be in his arms, but he wouldn't tell Jeno that.  
"You can't do anything else. You did everything you could. I'm sorry this happened, but you are not responsible." Jaemin pulled apart to look Jeno on the eye. Jeno's eyes still looked watery, but he nodded. Jaemin sat back down in his chair.  
"Thanks.." Jeno composed himself again, hiding his worry. Jaemin nodded at him.  
"So, I need you to sign this document saying you brought this to my attention." Jeno nodded.  
"Can I have a pen?"  
"Oh, yeah." Jaemin found a pen and handed it to Jeno, it had a fluffy pink bunny on the top of it. Jeno raised his eyebrow at Jaemin. "It's for the kids…"  
"Sure" Jeno smirked at him. Jaemin rolled his eyes,but smiled slightly. Jeno signed the papers. "So, what happens next?"  
"I will report it and then there will be an investigation." Jeno nodded. He sighed as he stood up. "Are you sure you're okay?"  
"Yeah.. I'm fine. I'll be fine. " He turned to leave. Jaemin wanted to say wait, but his brain said no. Jeno left and Jaemin started his phone call. 

The next day Jeno came to his office. He walked in with determination.  
"Do you want to go on a date tomorrow night?" Jaemin's eyes widened. He stepped back, almost falling on his desk. He'd had a rough day already, on the phone with social services all day, and on top of that, it was His ex's birthday. A day he couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.  
"Uh…" Jeno walked towards him, closing the door again. Jaemin looked at the ground. "Jeno… I.. can't."  
"Why?" Jeno stepped closer to him. Jaemin felt the need to kiss him, but he resisted.  
"Because… I can't be with you." Jeno took Jaemin's hand and intertwined their fingers. Jaemin glanced up at him.  
"You said you needed me." Jeno looked into his eyes intensely.  
"I.. was drunk.."  
"No, you weren't. You had two drinks. You can handle much more than that."  
"I.. I can't be with you." Jaemin pulled his hand away and tried to step away from Jeno, but he had no where to go. He was already pressed up against his desk.  
"Why, Jaemin?" Jeno stepped back and Jaemin let out a relieved sigh.  
"Because.. I can't be in a relationship.. I can't screw another one up.. I can't screw us up.." Jaemin's chest hurt. He didn't realize how fast his heart was beating, or how fast his breathing got. He didn't want to think about his ex. He didn't want to think about how he ruined things.  
Jeno tilted his head in confusion.  
"Screw it up?"  
"Jeno… I.." Jaemin felt like he was going to throw up. Memories resurfaced.

Jaemin would sleep over his ex's, Tom, a lot. Over the past year he had basically moved in. Tom spent a lot of time outside of the house. Jaemin didn't mind, he knew he was busy. So Jaemin would do his school work until Tom came home.  
One night, Tom came back late. Jaemin had made food for him and was excited when Tom entered the apartment.  
"Hi, babe." Jaemin greeted Tom with a smile. Tom just waved him off. "I made you dinner."  
"I don't like sweet potatoes." Tom said looking at the food.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. "  
"I thought you knew??" Jaemin looked at Tom confused as to why he raised his voice.  
"I'm sorry.. I'll make something else?"  
"No forget it!" Tom stried to walk away. Jaemin caught his hand.  
"I can make something else, baby.." Jaemin hated when Tom was mad. He would ignore him like he never existed. Tom pulled his arm out of Jaemin's grip strongly and nearly knocked Jaemin into the table. Jaemin fell to the ground as he lost balance and the plate of food shattered onto the floor.  
"I said, Forget it!!" Jaemin winced at his loud voice, tears forming in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry.." Jaemin said quietly.  
"Clean it up!" Tom went into his room and slammed the door. Jaemin cried as he cleaned up the mess.  
Then Tom came out of his room and hugged Jaemin. Jaemin flinched at the touch.  
"Hi, baby.." Tom would say. Jaemin was confused at his sudden change.  
"Hi…" Tom kissed him on the cheek.  
"Next time remember what I like, okay? Then that won't happen." Jaemin turned around to face Tom. He had a smile on his face. "I get mad when I think you don't know me.. it's okay. Just don't so it again."  
"Okay…" Jaemin said quietly. Then Tom would kiss him and Jaemin would forget why he was so scared. 

"You didn't screw up your past relationship… didn't he cheat on you?" Jaemin nodded. He felt tears forming in his eyes. He wanted to run away, but there was no where to go.. his office was the safest.  
"I.. I did something.. to deserve it.. I did.. he.. " Jaemin was shaking at this point. "I can't … I can't mess it up.." Jeno moved closer to him. Jaemin freaked out. "stop. No…" Jaemin held out his hand. Jeno stopped moving towards him. "Let me calm down…" Jaemin tried to take deep breaths, but they were short and shaky.  
"Jaemin? What's happening? Are you okay?" Jaemin closed his eyes, trying to remember he was safe and not in that situation again. "Minnie?" Jeno said softly, that made Jaemin stop shaking for a moment. Then he felt cool hands on his arms, they felt strong and helped him stabilize himself. Jaemin held onto Jeno's forearms, gripping them tightly. "Minnie? Are you okay?" Jaemin opened his eyes to see a concerned Jeno. Tears were streaming down Jaemin's face.  
Jaemin loosened his grip on Jeno's arms.  
"N-no…" Jeno wrapped Jaemin in an embrace. Jaemin relaxed into the hug. He felt safe in his arms. Jaemin's body went slack, Jeno held him up. Then he laid him down on the couch in his office. Jaemin felt dizzy. He felt exhausted.  
"Jaemin? What's going on?"  
"Call Hyuck…" Jaemin trailed off as his eyes closed. 

When Jaemin woke up, he was in his bed. He was confused as to how he got there. He had a massive headache. He sat up and heard a soft breathing noise from his couch. He looked over and saw a slumped body. Jaemin got out of bed, even though his chest screamed in pain. He inspected the lump, then a black haired head popped up. Jaemin startled.  
"Wh.. " Jaemin started, but then he noticed it was Jeno. "Why are you here?"  
"Hmm…" Jeno stretched slightly. "I wanted to know you were okay." He rubbed his eyes and Jaemin had a fleeting thought that Jeno looked cute.  
"I'm going to get water, I'll be back," Jaemin said, going for the door.  
"I can get it for you. "  
" No, you stay here. Do you want water?"  
"Uh, sure.." jaemin gave his a slight smile and left. He needed to walk off the medicine Hyuck gave him. He heard a noise from the living room and saw Hyuck snuggling with mark on the couch and they were watching Jurassic Park. Hyuck stood up when he saw him.  
"Jaem, are you okay?"  
"Mmhm.." Hyuck looked relieved.  
"I'll be back, baby." Hyuck followed him to the kitchen. He leaned on the counter in front of him. "What happened?" Jaemin filled up a glass of water and drank half of it. The anxiety medication made him thirsty.  
"I.. it was his birthday…" Hyuck nodded slightly. "And I had a stressful day.. then Jeno asked me out and I got scared.. and.."  
"Jeno asked you out?" Jaemin nodded. "Why did that scare you?" Hyuck placed a calming hand on Jaemin's shoulder. 

Hyuck had been there for Jaemin in his worst. Right before the breakup Jaemin would have nightmares and panic attacks so bad that he would pass out. The doctor prescribed him some hard core anxiety medicine that Jaemin gave to Hyuck so he could give it to him if he freaked out.  
He hadn't had an episode in 3 weeks. 

"Because… I don't deserve one… a relationship with Jeno.. I want it, but I can't.. I can't do that again."  
"Jaemin. Jeno is not like Tom. He stayed up until 2am, just to see if you were okay. He physically carried you out after I gave you the medicine. He tucked you in. He refused to watch a movie with me and Mark because he wanted to see how you were."  
Jaemin felt overwhelmed with emotions at that moment.  
"And I don't want none of that 'I don't deserve it' bullshit. You deserve to be treated right. You haven't been in a while. Let Jeno show you how a boyfriend should act. " Hyuck made Jaemin look him in the eyes. "You deserve the world, Jaemin. "  
Jaemin hugged Hyuck, feeling so grateful for his friendship. Hyuck hugged back.  
"I love you." Hyuck whispered to him. Jaemin smiled.  
"I love you too, Hyuckie." Jaemin answered. Then Jaemin got two waters and went back to his room. Jeno stood up as he entered. "Here." Jaemin handed him a water then put his own on his nightstand.  
"Thanks." Jeno took a sip then put it on the small table next to his couch. 

Jaemin sat on his bed, he motioned Jeno to sit next to him. Jeno did so, sitting some distance away from him. Jeno looked uneasy.  
"I'm sorry.." Jeno started. "I'm sorry if asking you out triggered you.. I didn't mean to.. I won't ask you out again.. " Jaemin shook his head.  
"You did nothing wrong." Jaemin moved a little closer to him. "I already had a stressful day… and it was my ex's birthday.. so, it was a recipe for a panic attack." Jeno nodded slightly. "I…" Jaemin stopped, not knowing what to say, how to get his feelings out.  
"Jeno, I… I am damaged." Jeno blinked at him. "My self esteem is ruined, I have trust issues, and I try to protect myself."  
"Jaemin, I-"  
"No, let me speak first. Please." Jeno nodded. "Sometimes I still think I did something to deserve the things Tom did to me… probably from years of being gaslit.. and such." Jaemin couldn't look Jeno in the eyes, he was overwhelmed at how sad he was that he felt he didn't deserve anything. "I think I started to believe I couldn't do anything right and that I would be terrible in any relationship… " Jaemin's eyes watered, he just realized how much he didn't like himself and that was overwhelming. "So.. I didn't care what I did for a while… but then you came back.. and… I cared too much.." Jeno put a hand on Jaemin's knee. "And.. that scared me… because I knew I would mess it up.. so I settled for sex… so I could be close to you.. but that's not fair to you.." a tear rolled down Jaemin's cheek. He looked up at Jeno who reassured him with his gaze. "Basically, I'm broken and I don't know if I can be fixed… also it's not your job to fix me." Jaemin wipes his tear away. " But if you want me.. as a broken person.. as someone who might not tell you things at first.. then… we can go on a date."  
"Jaemin, I want to help you try to love yourself, try to see yourself as how I see you." Jeno looked lovingly into his eyes. "You're worth the wait, the work, the time it will take for you to get better, and I want to be there to encourage you." Jaemin couldn't believe that even after he told Jeno his thoughts, he still wanted to be with him. "I care about you so much. Thank you for sharing that with me, Minnie." Jaemin's heart did a flip in his chest at the pet name. Jeno brushed hair out of Jaemin's face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Jaemin felt so grateful for Jeno. He knew he didn't deserve it, after how mean he was to him, but Jeno understood somehow.  
"Jeno… thank you." Jaemin said quietly.  
"I've always loved you, Minnie." Jaemin smiled.  
"I've loved you for quite a while too." Jeno gave him a soft smile. 

Jaemin suddenly felt so tired. His body wanted him to sleep. The medicine might have had a delayed drowsy effect.  
"Jeno..?"  
"Hmm?" Jeno looked at him.  
"Can you stay until I fall asleep.." Jaemin felt stupid for asking that, but he wanted to feel safe right now.  
"Yeah." Jaemin smiled. He got up and went to his bathroom to change into something resembling pjs. He stepped out and Jeno looked at him. Jaemin got into bed. "Do you want me to get into bed with you, or just sit here?"  
"Lay with me?" Jeno nodded and got under the covers with him. Jaemin scooted close to him and Jeno put an arm around him. Somehow snuggling felt more intimate than what they previously did in bed. "Jeno… "  
"Yes?"  
"Thank you.. I know.. you didn't have to put up with me being rude and not trusting you, but thanks.. I'm glad you did."  
"Jaemin, the moment I saw you again, I was all in. " Jaemin's heart squeezed at that comment. He kissed Jeno, thanking him for sticking in there and letting Jaemin realize his full feelings for him. Jeno smiled against his lips. Then Jaemin pulled apart and nuzzled his head on Jeno's chest.  
Jaemin felt content, he was finally back in Jeno's arms.


End file.
